Monday, February 2, 2015


Not once you described me as being mean. First as a joke, then being seriously when talking to me or to others. I admit, you made me question myself. And to think about it. Am I really this way? I've tried to find out what are your reasons. But then I've put some effort in this and I've realised it's not a bad thing. Because somehow it's the truth. When it comes to me, things aren't always "rainbows and unicorns". I mean... yeah, I really like being an optimistic person and trying to bring a smile on everyone's face, but that's all. When something bothers me I can't hide it and I am not scared that talking about it will hurt somene's feelings. So, I guess you could say that yes, I am mean because I tend to care more about my own thoughts and feelings. I am mean because I don't choose to cover the truth in a coloured blanket in order to make it easier to swallow.

At the end of the day, the correct question is why not to be this way? What do I have to lose? I would rather put a smile on my face to match my sarcastic comments than showing my insecurities. It's just who I am. Who I've become, actually. I am starting to realise that the way you've chosen to picture me doesn't bother me at all. And I really like being this way so I'll take it as a compliment. Anyway, I know that you didn't meant to use it at something else. I continue to be amazed by how fast you discovered me. Others stood by my side years and weren't able to find the real me. For you were enough just three months. It's a weird feeling. I am not used to it. Not even know after all this time. So here I am, smiling like a complete idiot. It's 4 a.m. I should really get some sleep. But my mind doesn't agree with me.

So what I am trying to say is that I am mean. But I am ok with it. Because even though it made me tougher, it also allowed me to see who my true friends are. And it was also the quality that guided my instinct to let you come into my life. So far it has made a good job.


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