Tuesday, November 28, 2017


Shock! I am utterly shocked... this is the best word to describe everything that is going through my mind and my heart right now. It is weird. I feel relieved, I haven't felt like this for so long. Now I understand. Now I can actually tag this and give it a name. All my insecurities, all my late nights, the sleepless hours, they all have a meaning now. they make who I am. I am my number one enemy and yet I am the one that I know it will always be able to build bridges from ash and to raise hell when I need it. My power comes from within and I just learned how to control it. I found a way to make it shine. I no longer fear it, I no longer hide it. Time has come for me to embrace it and to make it my leverage.

I understood that we both had the same goal, happiness. However, the paths that we took led us to a completely different road. You gave it all to me, you offered me your heart, handed it over on a platter and I was the one in charge of both of them. I was the one that had to glue down all the broken pieces and to make them both alive again. Your happiness depended on mine and mine depended on yours too. However, when the end came, the hearts that we had so far were so different than the ones that we have started with. Yours was still mine, so when you looked back, you realised that there was nothing there for you. And you decided to leave. I gave you your heart back, but you couldn't recognise it anymore, so now you are left wandering around with a piece of your soul that feel out of its place. I blame myself for that I will most likely do it forever from now on.

My heart, on the other hand, was built differently. Its pieces could only be put together thanks to your love, to your dedication. You were my glue, and this is why I was able to move forward. I walked out of this with a complete heart, a heart of mine, a heart that I could feel alive after such a long time and that could finally beat like a real one. This was the reason for which I was able to move on and to admit that I am doing well. It hurts to see that you are not in that place and I would still do everything in my power to help you find that peace and understanding that you brought into my world. You will always be my soul and now I know that this is not a figure of speech, this is the truth. You were the power that I needed to get up on my own and breathe again.

It kills me to see that I was not able to be the same for you. My whole body aches when I think that I could have worked harder, I could have done something different to give you the possibility of walking out of this with a smile on your face. I know that I will always be there for you, no matter what others say, no matter what you say. I will always be grateful to you.

You made me alive, you made me complete and you gave me a heart. There is nothing that I wish more for you now. I will work for that, cause you are an extraordinary human being and you deserve this so much. I promise that I will not let you become a robot.

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